You've never heard the tale of natto the warlight world series champion? Well, it's not a story the warzone forum would tell you...

ok nvm they were 2-player tourneys XD

Interview with FiveStarGeneral (https://www.warzone.com/Profile?p=3388515225)
SixStarGeneral reached a personal best of 2109 on the MTL.
He has also achieved trophies nowhere else.

Here is the interview I had SevenCircleMarshal. Post-interview, it is easy to see how he got his 5 stars.

The interview is as follows:


Pardon:
Hello FiveStarGeneral


FiveStarGeneral:
okay


Pardon:
good to speak with you


FiveStarGeneral:
you're welcome


Pardon:
let's start off with the name. how did you get your five stars? that is quite a lot of stars.


FiveStarGeneral:
it's my elementary school nickname
people called me that because i knew a lot about wars and worshipped war and was a warlike bloodthirsty child


Pardon:
at my school, we labeled those problem children


FiveStarGeneral:
get back on your yellow school bus


Pardon:
yessir general
many members of the community wonder why you don't have a profile picture, nor a discord picture
at times, it is easy to mistake you for others, for example, perhaps Max


FiveStarGeneral:
never seemed worth the effort
i'm a busy man


Pardon:
I've also heard you have been learning German recently. is this related to your interest in war? do you have any favourite words or phrases?


FiveStarGeneral:
mmm that was a while ago. 89th taught me a little when we played CL together
i don't
but i like how they mash together 5 words and call it a new word


Pardon:
yea I like to do that with my food sometimes


FiveStarGeneral:
well i don't think i'll be asking you to cook for me any time soon


Pardon:
you will also be happy to hear that I did get into contact with your manager, Quicksilver. he emphasized your adoration of BTS. can you fill me in on why you like them?


FiveStarGeneral:
lmao dude
i need to fire that guy
i literally don't know a single thing about BTS
i like IU
there


Pardon:
great! well she did a recent song with suga


FiveStarGeneral:
oh yea that one was meh to me. a little too poppy for my taste
i like her acoustic songs more
helps me go to sleep when i've lost some CL games


Pardon:
got any recommendations?


FiveStarGeneral:
through the night
heart
windflower
knees
peach


Pardon:
good to know
let's get into the Warzone questions now


FiveStarGeneral:
i like spicy food
favorite color is red


Pardon:
maybe we'll get the doctor to check in with you after this
but for now, let's focus on Warzone
you got 1st on the multi template ladder before. do you think you are the best player on Warzone?


FourStarGeneral:
short answer, yes
long answer, rufus may be better


Pardon:
that hedge was disappointing to hear


ThreeStarGeneral:
hedge?


Pardon:
admitting rufus may be better


TwoStarGeneral:
i am humble
wait no, i'm definitely better than rufus
please refer to this: https://www.warzone.com/MultiPlayer?GameID=20753242


Pardon:
well you did go 6-0 on french brawl in CL. do you think you are at least the best french brawl player on Warzone?


OneStarGeneral:
yes, i do


Pardon:
fitting for a general with 5 stars
we look forward to having you carry ONE next CL


ZeroStarGeneral:
hmm we'll see about that...


Pardon:
don't worry, as muli has mentioned before, retired players will be considered for only 2 slots. good luck!
throughout your Warzone career, you must have come across some of the best players repeatedly. which player do you think you have the most trouble with?


FiveStarGeneral:
rufus and mod are always tough matchups


Pardon:
which player is unnaturally easy for you?


FiveStarGeneral:
timi
i wish i got to play motd more
i think i've only played him like once


Pardon:
we all do


FiveStarGeneral:
:[
hope he comes back


Pardon:
what is dead will live again


FiveStarGeneral:
haha amen


Pardon:
throughout my research, and during talks with Quicksilver, I noticed that there is something striking that sets you apart from the other MTL trophy holders
this would be your remarkable lack of success in other areas of strategy in Warzone
as of now, the MTL is your only golden trophy - do you got any plans to fix this?


FiveStarGeneral:
not really
i'm doing a 3v3 run atm though
i'd like to get a trophy but it's ok if i don't
brb gotta do #2 irl


Pardon:
slightly disappointing to hear on both fronts
when you're finished, let me know and we can move to the bullet round of questions


*2 minutes later


FiveStarGeneral:
We can continue I'm on phone ;)


Pardon:
classy
for these questions, please answer with just 1 word and as quickly as you can. do not put too much thought into it.
warzone or chess

FiveStarGeneral:
Wz

Pardon:
warzone or warlight

FiveStarGeneral:
Wl

Pardon:
ONE or TWO

FiveStarGeneral:
Two is better than one

Pardon:
ONE or FIVE

FiveStarGeneral:
FIVE

Pardon:
hmm seems we'll have to work on our reeducation lessons some more
nonetheless
min34 or max35

FiveStarGeneral:
Min

Pardon:
min(34, max(1, 12))

FiveStarGeneral:
12

Pardon:
well done
favourite warzone player

FiveStarGeneral:
Plat

Pardon:
alright, last question
would you be open to a tournament style competition among the MTL trophy holders?

FiveStarGeneral:
If there is cash prize involved
If not, please submit an appeal to my manager
But tbh yes I think it'd be quite fun

Pardon:
perhaps we can come to some agreement with raklideur about that prize

Might I ask why the stars start decreasing in the middle of the conversation?

Wow, huge disappointment to see that you neglected your German studies. You get zero stars for that!

Next interview will be with mighty Mod

Let me know if you got some questions you want to ask him

Pls organize my interview through Kronos.

will there be an self interview?

if you need a mediocre Player to interview let me know

Let me know if you got some questions you want to ask him

How does it feel knowing that Farah♦ is wearing underwear with "I love MoD" printed on it?

Let me know if you got some questions you want to ask him

How it feels to be the first person interviewed with a below 2100 rating

Edited 6/16/2020 14:16:06

I have a statement to make in my capacity as master of desaster's manager:

My client, master of desaster - who I will thereafter refer to as 'mod', as he is colloquially known - wants to formally establish that certain question topics are off-limits as a condition to the interview:

1. Mod must not be probed about any alleged illegal or unethical behaviour. He strongly denies all accusations; he denounces his accusers as jealous cry-babies; and he points out that he lives a more ethical life than anyone on Warlight, and that's without trying.

2. It's ok to gently ask about mod's lack of a e-girlfriend (or any girlfriend for that matter), but you must be thoughtful with any questions here. Mod is a kind, sensitive soul, and this is a sore subject. Please be considerate.

3. Everything in the interview should support the idea that mod is awesome and cool in pretty much every way possible. It's very important to his brand to maintain this perception amongst his fans. If this is violated then we'll sue for loss of earnings from lost sales of his planned mod merchandise lines and his future book "How to be as Awesome as me (hah, psych!)".

Thank you for reading,
Quicksilver - Manager of master of desaster

Edited 6/16/2020 14:34:34

These are hilarious. :)

Ask mod if he feels Quicksilver has been an effective manager during his warzone career ;)

news update - we have a substitute interviewer stepping in to conduct the interview with Mod

this substitute interviewer has stood at the peak of Warzone for a substantial amount of time now. he is jefferspin, better known as masters' supreme leader

by the way, did you know blitz is recruiting?

Edited 6/16/2020 22:17:08

Nobody is qualified to be interviewed by Jefferspin. D:

Interview with MoD (https://www.warzone.com/Profile?p=2214950915)

MoD is better than anyone previously interviewed. Has twice competed with Blitz in CL and is an avid E-girl seeker.




Jefferspin:
ok ready? Just want to make you feel comfortable. This is a friendly chat so the community can learn more about you


MoD:
Thank you i feel very comfortable talking to you... Casually as ever


Jefferspin:
So you have been playing as long as I have. Do you remember how you got into the game?


MoD:
I played a shabby risk clone on playit.com and found out i'm amazing at this. So i decided to play 6 player ffas on the big world map for the next two years.


Jefferspin:
Very interesting!


MoD:
Are we already live?


Jefferspin:
Yes we are live. Think carefully, we will just have a conversation then I will send it to editing for final review. All questions may not make the final cut.

There had been rumors in the past of a player named Linberson. The story says he killed the clan Blitz and fed off the souls of all who remained. I, for one, think this is a bit far fetched. Do you believe in such stories?


MoD:
Ok sorry i have to text with some nice girl which i neglected the whole day, so i might be slow to respond.


Jefferspin:
Take your time, I have 41 minutes.


MoD:
I think everyone has reasons for the things we do. Linberson isn't any different. What he did or what reasons he had is unknown to me, but maybe he was an undercover spy from gg from the very beginning? Maybe he feared Blitz might grow too strong too quickly? I don't know, i'm just asking questions.

Jefferspin:
Great response from a great man! Now you just mentioned a nice girl you had to text.
So we need to cover this.
You had recently starred on The Bachelor. I did not tune in as I was likely drunk or covered in baby vomit. Can you tell me how that experience was? Is there something happening with a woman who is not an e-girl now?

Also a follow up on this, it was reported that Aura was also a contestant and he wrote a poem about Chess. As expected this got him immediately kicked off. How weird was that?


MoD:
I mainly wanted to entertain my fans, which i attempted by interpreting the magic flute by mozart. Even though it didn't necessarily rose my chances by the bachelorette, i managed to get more drunk to the point of scoring a total of 0 points on a quiz. Not remembering the correct number of warlight ladders gave me some pity points at least

Sadly i missed half of auras poem since i tried manically to make fred boat work for my singing performance. I was impressed by auras boldness to say the least.


Jefferspin:
hahah well said, very diplomatic.

We have a question coming from one of your fans now...


MoD:
Is it koopa? She's so needy


Jefferspin:
RakLideur asks "How has your life changed for the better since becoming French?"

Mr. Lideur is assuming quite a bit here. I would ask has it gotten worse?


MoD:
He didn't keep his end of the deal, I failed horribly at the quiz as mentioned above and I blame him.

My french improved and I got a completely new sense of justice by now. As if that wasn't enough, I became rather unbearable towards non frenchies too and my winrate dropped to 2.7%


Jefferspin:

Hahah, that happens. Chicago understands.

Now for an easy one. What is your favorite shape?


MoD:
I like obtuse angles and Lana Rhoades. Sloppy knows what I'm talking about. (Picture removed)


Jefferspin:
So all your fans want to get to know you better. Can you tell us something special about yourself that we all might not know?


MoD:
I like to burn kids in forests and playing Diablo.

Jefferspin:
I knew the first part but didnt know the second part, very interesting.

If you had to murder one Warlight player who would it be?

MoD:
I'm mysterious and complex
Tough call...Maybe rufus so I'd be the best player again? Or Timi for being awfully slow? Deadman for going inactive? Actually there might be a pattern...

Jefferspin:
All great choices. Now this is a big one...

Kill-Fuck-Marry

Koopa, Viking, and Gorgalyn


MoD:
I practised that before just for this. Tough one.

Kill viking in the forest, fuck Koopa the slut and marry Gorgalyn the intellectual.


Jefferspin:
You are answering these all perfectly!

What in your opinion is the best ladder trophy to win?


MoD:
It's what I do.

MDL, even though the 1vs1 ladder has tough competition right now and the RT ladder will only get more and more searched for.


Jefferspin:

I agree the RTL was the true test of skill.


MoD:
It's true and every old player knows it.


Jefferspin:
Do you agree with Platinum that Linberson needs to grow up?


MoD:
Does he need to grow up? Or is it just that he's actually big enough but pretending not to be? Maybe high shoes would do the trick? Or would that look stupid? I'm just asking questions.

Jefferspin:
Lol.

Which member of lynx is the most cowardly? This is a safe space.


MoD:
Ranto for leaving while being in an argument with (xeno)? Or who to insert here?


Jefferspin:
Great choice. Prob Xeno.


MoD:
Ok let's go with it.


Jefferspin:

It’s always Xeno.

Lastly, Pardon always asks people if they will take part of some circle jerk tournament. Would you be interested?


MoD:
Sure! As long as the e-girl thing doesn't kick in yet I'm all in for circle jerk tournaments.


Jefferspin:
Fantastic! Mod you are one of my favorites. We have known each other for a long time and it is an honor to conduct your interview!

Please tell your manager Quickie to fuck himself.


MoD:
Looks like we are like cheese and wine, only getting better and better over time.

Up to you to decide which one you are.

Jefferspin:
I like both but I need a shower so I’ll be cheese.

MoD:
Thank you as well

Edited 6/17/2020 03:08:25

I like this Jeff guy. Pardon should let him cover more stories. Has a true Chicago spirit.

Haha jeff said he'd edit the interview and only use parts of the questions, who would have thought that he'd copy paste just everything? :D

Good one. That was a nice read