You respond in such a rude way every time, that everyone hates you.

The ability to change the weather to my liking.

In everywhere on earth except for the territory borders of the region/state/province/whatever you are in, meaning the weather around you doesn’t change, it just causes massive natural changes everywhere and much chaos. Oh and it also only lasts for 5.111111 minutes

The ability to cause pi to become pie

But it takes 3.141526535 years out of your life each time

The ability to post to the thread

You don’t get a superpower

I can pick any lock with my pubic hair

Then "Instructions unclear; got dick stuck in doorknob"
The ability to see what another person sees

You will get an avalanche of a migraine every time you do it.

The ability to shapeshift into anything I please.

But your consciousness will be that of the object, meaning that if you shapeshift into a chair, that's simply it, you're a chair. And if you change into humans then you will have the same opinions and thinking as said person.


The ability to visit other timelines in which you can steal money, commit atrocities and travel back to your original with nobody the wiser

you always leave a random body part behind in the other timeline that you can't retrieve

ability for drugs and alcohol to have no effect on my body

But they compensate by having double the effect on your criminal record.

The ability to tolerate all amounts of stress.

Except you get a massive migraine the size of an earthquake
Slowing and speeding up time

you slow down and speed up with time so you don't feel any effect

ability to change anyone's DNA sequence

But yours is changed to the exact same one

The ability to make Matt do his job and show up for work

But he becomes your boss

The ability to watch shows from other parallel dimensions

But the shows will inevitably drive you mad

The ability to write excellent literature

but you're from Illinois and did home schooling

the ability to never have to poop or piss again

It all just stays there and you eventually die from it

The ability to get to my destination and not be late

But you teleport to Kenya once your at the location

Ability to win all raffles without rigging them

faxfox commits suicide as that was his one joy in life

instant mastery of any musical instrument

but you can never stop playing music

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Being able to ace every school subject

But you don't get the degree because they think you cheated.

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The ability to cure anyone from COVID-19 disease on touch.