Aura Guardian 
Level 62
Report
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[Clan News Weekly, Volume I, No. 2]
FCC, CORP, GGEC, and [HYPE] form "Anime Tiddes" Alliance.
In a jaw-dropping move for all of the wrong reasons, a unifed panel representing the clans Fifth Column Confederation, CORP, GGEC, and [HYPE] announced that that simply finding their own waifus wasn't enough for them to satisfy their innate anime desires. With FCC's Redonis [CREW] and CORP's John John Johnson leading the negotiations, an agreement between these four new clans has led to the creation of the "Anime Tiddes" Alliance in order to further their interests.
According to the official documents, the clans agreed that there "was not enough otaku culture being expressed on Warzone", nor was their voice of "anime love" reaching mainstream Warzone. To remedy this, the agreement states that they would assert thier "otakudum" upon all other clans, in attempt for them to realize, accept, and embrace "the inevitable".
Redonis spoke of words of pleasure that the agreement was a success. "Now everyone in the warzone comminuity can know and understand my love for [anime tiddies]! Aura-sempai totally acknowledged me for making this agreement become a reality." Nano-Midget could still be heard complaining in the background, muttering "k" whenever Redonis tried to reassure him.
CORP was not intially in favor of promoting the otaku culture. Dutch Desire was adamant about not joining. "CORP is a clan that includes players who follow either the art of strategy or diplomacy. There is no 'anime tiddy' dojo, nor will there ever be one. This entire thing in stupid and the every person in otaku culture should be sterilized so that it does not spread into future generations.
Fortunately for the agreement, CORP's council overruled Dutch Desire and allowed JJJ's bill to pass. Dutch Desire mentioned how this was "ridiculous" that people were still watching "cartoons" like they were "children or something".
Cata Cauda was not present at the offices when we came to interview him, so we have no comment.
JJJ on the other hand, was esastic. "Now Redonis and I can enjoy tiddies together forever <3".
Vague rumors of a "waifu" party that got a "little intense" were surfacing after the agreement occurred, with many pillows being in "rough shape" the following morning, however, Clan News Weekly has been unable to confirm these rumors.
Sloppyfatginger of Apprentice disagreed with the need for such an alliance. He told us that the entire agreement was done by a bunch of "plutty sleb holligans".
"This Sucks", he decried. "Anime Sucks. You all suck. Especially those with waifus". He proceeded to go to the bar and drink his miseries away shortly thereafter.
We are unable to gain contact with either GGEC or [HYPE] at this time.
More Skilled Player does not Understand why Clans are Giving him Less Attention than Clearly Inferior Player.
Reports came to our office early monday morning about a very skilled player getting "no attention" from clans when his pal already have five.
The player, "A", who wished to remain anonymous, was clearly frustrated when we interviewed him.
"I mean, im really good player. Im better than you are. You are in a clan. Why am I not?"
The mantra seemed to spew from his mouth like slithering snakes.
"This player, he's my friend, right? Well guess what, HE has five clans pursuing him already. Like, 101st, Apprentice, FCC, others, you know, just fawning over his potential. IM clearly the better player. Yet I got no one."
We did some research to back up his sentiment. His 85% 1v1 winrate as opposed to his friend's 45% 1v1 winrate seemed to justify why he was upset, at least in his own perspective.
"Players keep telling me. 'Winrate means nothing, Winrate means nothing. Well, guess what. BULLSHT. Im clearly one of the best players of the game. And so much better than anyone else.
Laddering stats seemed to indicate that player "A" was 1400 on 1v1 ladder and his friend 1800.
"Laddering means nothing. Its only one one template. I know he could never beat me on MY templates."
Seeing that there was no reducing his ego and arrogance, Clan News Weekly will now let readers come to their own conclusions about this player.
101st Baffled Why their event didn't Make this week's Issue
101st reportedly told us they were baffled why their major event that occurred last week didn't make it into clan news weekly.
In what appeared to be a day when players were acting more "normally", we sat down with cowboy to chat.
"I mean, look at what we did this week. We did something incredible! Why are we not getting our own article about it?"
Clan News Weekly stated that since they had been featured in last week's article, they were not deserving of receiving a feature article two weeks in a row.
"Well Im calling that now, Aura. This is Shi-." Suddenly, ZeroBlindDragon walked in with a glass of water, told him everything would be "okay" telling him to drink and calm down. Cowboy obliged, relaxed, and simply told us "We are great" for the rest of the conversation.
Reporting, Aura Guardian
Edited 5/20/2018 22:38:00
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