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Keeping Up With The Kualifiers!: 4/26/2018 19:03:02

John John Johnson
Level 58

Hey Everyone!
I know you all know me as JJ, but due to the nature of this thread Ill go by Ray Jay
Introduction to the Concept of KUWTK:
In my humble opinion, far too much of the focus is on the upper divisions, A and B im looking at you guys.
However, apart from FCC and Hyrda taking a stern lead in making the Qualifiers next season, and Masters rigging everything, nothing really fun happens there.
Hence why I chose to focus on the more Important things in life: Warzone Qualifiers!

KUWTK, Keeping Up With The Kualifiers, will follow the everyday life of the clans in the Qualifiers and handle all rumours worthy of coverage!

Anyone willing to help with writing, planning or do any other mischief for the sake of humanity and culture (or for the destruction of it) are very welcome! Please send me a mail to this account!
Current Staff:
    Ray Jay - Admin

Have Lynx beefed up 101st Line-Up by stalling promotions?
Cowboy ~ "101st and Lynx don't collude to get each other to higher divisions. (IE, moving players from Lynx to 101st)"

Do you agree with Cowboy? I for one do NOT!
They are obviously stalling their promotions for 101st to making it to Div C, which is equal if not worse than moving players back and forth.
As Martin Luther once pinned to the Church Doors in Wittenberg:

"The pope can only release people from the punishments he has administered himself or through the church's system of penance, not the guilt of sin"

And while Cowboy might be the "Pope" of 101st (together with krunx), he is not close to the almighty god, Jeff, so he has no say in this matter. Buns, however, seems to believe in the good nature of 101st:

Mercenary Buns of VS ~ Thanks Cowboy, I think we will all just take your word for it and all be dandy with Lynx and 101st in the same group.
I'm sure if that does happen that any boots from 101st to Lynx will be accidental of course.

But enough about 101st, Im not Platinum so I dont like licking their asses & giving them free publicity!
JJJ ditching CORP, or CORP ditching JJJ?
Onoma ~ No, JJJ didnt ditch us, we ditched him first

If you believe this, then you are obviously out of your mind. I am the greatest of all time (if you dont count the 236 players that are better than me). My guess is that CORP wont even make Div C, with TSK and VIW making up the top 2 spots.

Anonymous Squirrel ~ Any clan with Onoma as a leader is a joke

Currently CORP remains undefeated, only due to the stalling of Ven in szeurope against JJJ, which will knock CORP down to 3rd when it comes to %PC. Only time will tell who got the better of the CORP/JJJ split, but for the record:
It was I who ditched them
Apprentice rigging like Masters?
It is a poorly kept secret that SFG is probably one of the best ever players to have ever gifted Warzone with his divine presence, and it is rumoured that it was indeed he that thaught Masters how to rig everything. The question is now if SFG will resort to those methods, or if he willplay enough slots to ensure the promotion of Apprentice in a less controversial manner

Min34 ~ We have SFG, we have already won. He is sooo much better than me

Benoit + ACL Tears = True Love?
LeQuébécois_Benoit ~ ACL Tears, can I have your babies?

After Benoit was quoted earlier this week in the official Q2 thread that he had a crush on ACL Tears, am I the onlyone to feel a romance in the air? It is Spring, the most romantic time of the year, and surely Benoit's mancrush cant have been unnoticed by ACL! As stated in this thread: https://www.warzone.com/Forum/279331-new-clan-pony, Benoit got a pretty great body, along with a "massive" pair, according to both himself and Nauzhror, so ACL would be up for quite a treat. However there is a slight risk that Benoit will do as his namesake and murder his partner, so be careful ACL!
Ray Jay

Edited 4/26/2018 19:38:12
Keeping Up With The Kualifiers!: 4/26/2018 19:18:08

Fairplay Boy
Level 51
At first I didn't read it fully, but when I read it fully I think this post is bad.

Edited 5/8/2018 02:59:22
Keeping Up With The Kualifiers!: 4/26/2018 21:51:28

│ [20] │MASTER│ Rikku │ I love my wife │ • apex │
Level 61
The right women , lmfao
Keeping Up With The Kualifiers!: 4/27/2018 09:11:12

Level 61
The Kardashian lynx pregnant with 101st is kinda disturbing...
Keeping Up With The Kualifiers!: 4/27/2018 09:27:31

Corn Man 
Level 61
You want slander?

I have evidence of WG-SNinja secret collusion.

Rakleader and Reza know what I'm taking about.
Keeping Up With The Kualifiers!: 4/27/2018 10:27:27

John John Johnson
Level 58
@quicksilver Please tell more!
Keeping Up With The Kualifiers!: 4/27/2018 12:23:58

Level 56
leave outlaws, get quality posts +1
Keeping Up With The Kualifiers!: 4/27/2018 13:49:41

red alert
Level 57
Garlic army attack :)
Keeping Up With The Kualifiers!: 4/27/2018 13:52:24

Level 61
Any clan with Onoma as a leader is a joke

Can confirm.
Keeping Up With The Kualifiers!: 4/29/2018 07:49:17

Level 58
I love you JJJ-sempai, I want to have your babies <3 <3 <3
Keeping Up With The Kualifiers!: 5/1/2018 17:34:54

MightySpeck (a Koala) 
Level 60
Anonymous Squirrel ~ Any clan with Onoma as a leader is a joke

only Squirrel i know worried about their anonymity is Sai. But i have no idea how you would contact sai. And get a opinion on WZ Ekk! WL!

Edit: idk what is happening in most of this, but it's nice to see WZ has some drama too.

Edited 5/1/2018 17:35:28
Keeping Up With The Kualifiers!: 5/1/2018 22:43:44

Fabulous Squirrel
Level 10
All lies. No squirrel ever said that.
Keeping Up With The Kualifiers!: 5/3/2018 00:59:59

Level 56
Keeping up with the Koala fires.
Keeping Up With The Kualifiers!: 5/3/2018 11:24:11

Level 60
Lol. Fires kill koalas.
Keeping Up With The Kualifiers!: 5/3/2018 11:25:04

Level 60
Btw, Ray Jay, that pic is one of THE best photoshop jobs I ever did see.
Keeping Up With The Kualifiers!: 5/6/2018 20:28:03

John John Johnson
Level 58
Thanks for all the feedback, next feature will drop tomorrow!
What to expect:
  • More Shots fired at CORP for no reason other than that they are CORP
  • The view on stalling by several prominent clans
  • The weird sexual tendencies of TSK
  • Banter and more banter

So stay tuned everyone!
Ray Jay
Keeping Up With The Kualifiers!: 5/7/2018 09:04:53

John John Johnson
Level 58

Hey Everyone!
Its me, Ray Jay Jay Jay again :)

Its been some time, and ironically enough, people have spent some time. Stalling.
Yes I said it! S T A L L I N G

How would you know, you say?
Well thats simple! I do it all the time!
Todays issue will be about:
  • Stalling, especially Platinum's stalling
  • Cowboy using the Q2 forum thread to lowkey advertise for 101st
  • The weird sexual tendencies of TSK
  • Shots fired at CORP

Platinum the Staller!
You all know Plat, the sexually harassed potato(e) eating irishman.
He is known for many things, and is perhaps the greatest player alive, should we believe his words.
He stalls so much he even sends his teammates on vacation to make it less suspectible. Proof: Lynx 3v3 game.
To emphasize on the dangers of stalling, I have spoken with several prominent clan leaders in the Qualifiers, and also some players outside it:

Lets start off with Masters:
I asked them about stalling, and they seem to be 100% clear on the issue:

Timinator ~ I stall all the time, no biggie. I got no problem with stalling as long as Im the one doing it.

Timinator, one of the best players of all time, with many golden trophies, condemns Platinums actions, stalling shouldnt be tolerated as long as anyone else than Timinator is the one doing it

Master Shinra ~ I dont usually stall, stalling is really bad. I only stall when I lose. But I make up for it with RT-ing all the games I win!

Another prominent figure, Master Shinra, also condemns Platinums actions. Platinums stalls regardless of winning and losing, and he doesnt make up for it by RT-ing the rest of his games. This should NOT be allowed.
Platinum, having just achieved his all-time-high rating on the MDL (probably by stalling), should be ashamed, and follow the advice of his two peers.

Dr. Killa ~ Uhmmm, whats stalling again?

Another example of the dangers of stalling! It allows a huuuuge advantage to those capable of stalling. Some players dont even know what it is, they are definitely at a disadvantage, not being able to master the techniques of the mighty STALLhazi and influence their ladder ratings.

JJJ ~ Instead of stalling, I recommend booting. It is a great way to end the game!

Im quoting myself, because I can. Booting has many positives: You dont stall, and you gift your opponent a win! #YesToBootingNoToStalling!

Min34 ~ I never stall, stalling should be permabanned

Min34, also known as the Wise One, is adamant. Stop stalling already, Platinum!

Cowboy ~ Im with Plat on this one, I stall all the time! There is a reason why Plat is such a great clan leader! He is my hero.

For proof, check this link: https://www.warzone.com/MultiPlayer?GameID=11988727
In this game, Cowboy uses 5 times! as much time on his last 3 turns, than he does on the 3 turns prior to that. If thats not ladder-rating manipulation then I dont know!

Coronel Gavilan ~ Does stalling involve winning? If it does we dont do it in USSR.

Its official! The only reason USSR have yet to win a game is because they dont stall. Its a bit of a drastic action, but perhaps they should start stalling? After all, Platinum is doing it.

Tokuchi ~ We should write about stalling, to prevent players like Hasdrubal and Platinum to do it unnoticed.

Ill admit it, I dont know Tokuchi's Warzone name. However, great idea! I was recently involved in a stalling incident in CL Q2, with Hasdrubal stalling my game. Not cool, definitely not cool!

Math Wolf ~ Stalling, me? No I have yet to finish a game!

Staller confirmed?

I could go on and on with more players condemning Outlaws and Platinums stalling but I wont, simply because I think Ive made my point. Boot, dont stall, peeps. Boot, dont Stall!
Cowboy's deft scheme to use the Q2 thread as an undercover recruitment thread for 101st:
No smoke without fire, and here it is burning like crazy. Cowboy has been offering out analysis free-trials to everyone reading the Q2 forum thread. Stating himself that:

Cowboy ~ This is a general review of how the game was played
Not necessarily a detailed review of what should be done and why

What he left hanging was that you would of course get this if you joined the 101st/Lynx program, he even offered FSG to teach him to read!
It is working, however. Can I please join 101st for Leg 2?
The Sexually-awkward Kingdom?
TSK, while suprising many with some impressive results in CL10, has gone too far. Displaying affection in public chatrooms and forums is A W K W A R D. The main offender, Redonis, has yet to comment on this, but he has submitted several uncanny posts on the forums, Ill quote a few:

Redonis ~ Teach me harder sempai!

Redonis ~ I love you JJJ, please keep carrying us to victory

Redonis ~ I love you Cowboy (though not as much as I love JJJ, GOSH I love him so much)

Jayden ~ I love big, fat, juicy and THICC anime tiddies

Redonis ~ I love anime tiddies


Drama? Chaos? We got it all. TSK seems to struggle with their new-found fame. Some even say that Redonis bribed me and jayden to write "I love anime tiddies", though that will never be confirmed. Only time will tell if this was just the beginning of a tornado of uncanny comments that will descend upon the Warzone forum-threads, or if the storm has already passed. Regardless, TSK seems to be losing face and respect as quickly as they get it.
CORPs First Loss:
Im using my bragging rights here. I beat them, so suck it CORP! They still lead their division though, sad days.
This concludes todays issue, stay tuned for more!

Edited 5/7/2018 09:09:19
Keeping Up With The Kualifiers!: 5/7/2018 09:36:14

Level 58
I DID NAWT BRIBE JJJ AND JAYDEN INTO SAYING THEY LOVE ANIME TIDDIES and I also totally didn't blackmail them or anything :D, I mean who doesn't like anime tiddies amirite?
Keeping Up With The Kualifiers!: 5/7/2018 18:24:28

Level 61
>arguing over anime
Keeping Up With The Kualifiers!: 5/7/2018 18:40:08

John John Johnson
Level 58
>he does it all the time
>seems to suit CORP perfectly
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