(1) "Greenland": Sorry, Iceland, you have been colonized.

(2) "United Kingdom": What? The Irish question has been a serious issue in British politics since shortly after the Norman Invasion spread into Ireland? Who cares. Geographic names are for the US. Simplistic political names are for the rest of the world. Political correctness only matters in America for things I think I understand. And if I don't understand something, any name will do, because only playability matters.

(3) "Europe" bonus: Does this mean Scandinavia is not in Europe anymore?

(4) "Spain": Do we live in 1580-1640, when Portugal belonged to Spain? Portugal, you don't exist, and neither does the Iberian Peninsula.

(5) "Germany": Heil Hitler! Heil Deutschland! Die Deutschen brauchen Leibensraum!

(6) "Italy": The Roman Empire has resurfaced!

(7) "Poland": Poland re-emerged as a country in 1918. One hundred years later it seeks revenge and joins in the partition of east central Europe.

(8) "Ukraine": Ukraine lost land to Russia recently, but on WL it is expanding!

(9) "Georgia": 4-5 countries here. Which is the second smallest? Georgia? Ok, let's use that name. Russia invaded Georgia a few years ago. But on WL, the Russian Caucasus belongs to the weaker country, Georgia. And other parts of the Caucasus belong to "Iran." The new axis of evil: Georgia, Ukraine, and Iran.

(10) "Caucasus": What, the Caucasus are actually the territory called "Georgia?" But I already named that place Georgia! I heard white people are Caucasians. A shout out to all Caucasians! What, white people coming from the Caucasus Mountains is part of the racist theories of the 20th century? And the US census questions are outdated? Fuck that! Caucasus bonus! Caucasian power!

(11) "-istans": "Kyrgyzstan" is in Kazakhstan? "Tad's Chik is Stan" is two countries? And "Turkmenistan" is two countries too? Don't worry. They are all protectorates under the racially superior Caucasians who dwell in the mountains (and thus turned white).

(12) "Saudi Arabia": The oil caliphate! How many countries are in the Arabian Peninsula? A dozen? How many are large enough to be a territory on Medium Earth? 2-3?

(13) "Israel": How many wars have been fought since the state of Israel was created? How many countries in this territory called "Israel" recognize Israel's statehood? Grundie is a Zionist! Peace in the Middle East is finally possible. Saudi Arabia and Israel have gained support for their imperial designs. Problem solved.

(14) "Myanmar": The military junta has succeeded! It has conquered East India (sorry, India, your nuclear weapons weren't enough for Myanmar's junta: it decided you have committed sodomy so you must cede your lands!), Bangladesh, Bhutan, and Nepal.

(15) "Thailand": Malaysia, Vietnam, Laos, and Cambodia have all fallen to the Thai, who used Bangkok's sex industry to weaken the nerve of all leaders in the region, who, in moments of delirious sexual excess, signed away their sovereignty.

(16) "Malaysia": A tiny sliver of the Indochinese Peninsula is Malaysia. But, since "Thailand" sex spies have been so effective, Malaysians decided to migrate south into Indonesia, and have since conquered Indonesia's most important islands (Sumatra & Java, which on WL are better known as Sumajava Clusterfuck Island-Peninsula Identity Crisis).

(17) "Indonesia": Which is it? Either Indonesia lost Sumajava Clusterfuck Island-Peninsula Identity Crisis or it didn't! Or is Malaysia a part of Indonesia now? I'm so confused. I know what to do: I will never pick Malaysia unless I want to counter SE Asia and return to the motherland!

(18) Taiwan: The civil war was declared over by a guy named Grundie. Taiwan, you belong to Beijing now. Forget your democratic elections, your laws, your president, your court system, your money, your military, your foreign relations, your de jure (according to 23-24 countries) and de facto independence. Beijing calls the shots now.

(19) "Shanghai": This Grundie guy was lazy. Small metropoleis (in terms of land mass, Shanghai is rather small when compared to other hugely populated world cities) are good names for entire regions. 25 million people are more important than roughly 200+ million.

(20) "Hong Kong": "Hongkers," are you upset that Grundie didn't make a tiny speck on the map to show the world your location? No problem. You now own much of southern China. Who cares if in China's airports you are not considered Chinese. On WL southern China is Hong Kong. No special line needed there.

(21) "Jiangxi": Of all the provinces to use, how about we use a rather obscure one, just because Grundie met a girl from Jiangxi and he was able to get a kiss from her when he toldd her that he used her province on his map?

(22) "Shaanxi": This is basically the shape of Sichuan, the historically more significant and more influential province? Ok. Let's call it Shaanxi.

(23) "Heilongjiang": So, there are three provinces here? Paper, scissors, stone. Heilongjiang wins.

(24) Mongolia: China's second newest province! Welcome to the Pax Sinica.

(25) Russia: So, Russia nearly touches Alaska and is so far east it edges into the western hemisphere? No problem. WL prefers Russia to stay closer to its European roots. Russia is too damn big. We just use it to fill space.

(26) "Papua New Guinea": The island of New Guinea has two parts. Let's flip a coin. Papua New Guinea it is.

(27) "Korea": Just as the Chinese civil war has finally officially ended and the Republic of China has ceded its sovereignty to the People's Republic of China, North and South Korea have decided to ignore their political disputes and become the country of Korea.

(28) "North Africa": North Africa is along the Mediterranean coast and includes Egypt? Not anymore.

(29) "Algeria": Since we are in the third historical period of imperialism, Algeria decided to gobble up some states.

(30) "Mali": Mali too.

(31) "Ghana": How many countries are here? 5? Which does Goldilocks like most? Well, Ghana. It is the third biggest and the third smallest of the five: not too big and not too small, just right.

(32) "Chad": What? Central African Republic is a state? Well, according to the French news it is a mess. Let's just give it to Chad. Problem solved.

(33) "Cameroon" There are four small countries here. Geographic names are only good for places I am familiar with (the US). Cameroon is the biggest of the four. It wins.

(34) "Sudan": Just because the US wants to punish Sudan by creating South Sudan, it doesn't mean the country really exists. Plus, South Sudan is a mess. Problem solved.

(35) "Ethiopia": Damn! Africa is annoying. So many countries. It was so much simpler in colonial times. Ok. Which country of these three is the largest? Ethiopia? There you go.

(36) "Somalia": You say Somalia is in the process of being split into numerous small states? What? Let's look at a map. Three states here: Somalia, Kenya, Uganda. Paper, scissors, stone. Somalia wins.

(37) "Kenya": I hate Tanzania. It makes me think of Tarzan. Fuck Tarzan. I wanted Jane. Get Kenya and Uganda together from that "Somalia" territory. Ok. Kenya and Uganda, run a long distance race. I heard Africans can run farther without shoes than white people on a moped. First one to Tanzania can have it. The skinny Kenyan got to Tanzania first. Ok. Tanzania is now called "Kenya" and all Kenyans must move south and leave "Somalia" before we get genocidal.

(38) "Botswana": Where is Botswana located? In the "Namimbia" territory? Fuck. But I really like the name Botswana. I wanna robot. Bots-wanna. Fuck Zambia and Zimbabwe. Zimbabwe took land from the white man. Well, I am taking it back! They are now part of "Botswana" and the Caucasians from Central Asia can own land here.

(39) "Namibia": Ok, two countries here. We already moved the location of Botswana to the east because of those damned sleepy ZZZ countries. So let's just call this Namibia.

(40) "South Africa": God damn Portuguese-speaking Mozambique! English is the language of WL. South Africa!

(41) "Venezuela": Viva la revolución Boliviariana!

(42) "Columbia": Ecuador? No, Columbia.

(43) "Argentina": What the fuck is this? Where is that WL wiki link on how to make territories that aren't too big or too long?

(44) "Panama": What to do? 7 small Central American countries. The American: "Well, I know about the Panama Canal." Ok. "Panama." It is the fourth biggest of the seven. That should suffice.

(45) "Baja": Under? Under what? Fuck it. Mexico is under America. I want another territory. I don't care if it is called Baja California. Let's just call it "Under." I am Grundie. I like underwear!

(46) "Atlantic Northeast": I don't give a fuck about geography when it comes to Europe, Asia, or Africa. But when I name shit in the US, let's just use a shitload of geographic terms. What? New England is a good name? No. I like geographic terms.

(47) "Quebec": I don't want to hear shit about the English-speaking area of Canada called Atlantic Canada. Fuck them. Vive le Québec libre et expansioniste !

(48) "West US": A: "I don't know what to do with Texas." B: "Just put it in West US." A: "But it isn't part of West US and I am really serious about using geographic names for the US to make up for my ignorance and sloth when it comes to naming the rest of the world." B: "Who cares, your map's names are so shitty nobody will even notice." A: "Lolowut is from Texas. He said it is ok in the West because there isn't a South or Central US." B: "Why don't you make a South or Central US?" A: "It was too much work doing my exhaustive research on territories' names in Africa, Europe, and Asia. I ran out of time."

(49) "Australia": New Zealand is a sovereign nation? Fuck Kiwis. They are Australians. And if the British were closer to America, I'd have Britain as a part of East US.

(50) "Medium": Shirt size?

Edited 6/21/2014 04:41:36

It's wasn't about accuracy, it was for gameplay. Calm your shit asian nigga!

Then why is the US more accurately named? The map is interesting in how it reflects American biases and ignorance about the world. Can we include Cuba as a part of a "South US" bonus? Why not? But adding Mongolia or Taiwan to China is acceptable? Iceland to Greenland? New Zealand to Australia?

We play the map without thinking much about names. And we don't notice how bad these names are unless we actually look at a map or think.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_pw8duzGUg

I know what Grundie looks like! Look at 4:20 in that video! Grundie is talking about Panama.

Edited 6/20/2014 15:40:41

Saw the video, and love when the dude was asked "where do you get if you cross the Panama canal?" and he said "From one place to another."

In your new earth map you should take the opportunity to take affirmitive action. Make the U.S. one massive territory, lump it together with canada and greenland to make a bonus, and give alaska back to the russians.

I spent all day rummaging around outside and couldn't find a single territory line. What the frack!? All of you are clearly biased, because these lines don't exist! You say Russia and Ukraine I say, here's a god damn piece of dirt and there's another god damn piece of dirt. Your dirty snow just invaded my dirty snow, WAR!

(42) "West US" bonus: A: "I don't know what to do with Texas." B: "Just put it in West US." A: "But it isn't part of West US and I am really serious about using geographic names for the US to make up for my ignorance and sloth when it comes to naming the rest of the world." B: "Who cares, your map's names are so shitty nobody will even notice."

To be 100% accurate, Texas could be considered South or Central, and can't really be considered West or East. In this case where you have only 2 choices, West makes more sense, but I don't think that's why he did it. It makes more strategic sense to make it west in this case. :)

I say we make a map with territories like "Italy - Vatican City - San Marino - Slovenia - Croatia - Bosnia and Herzegovina - Montenegro - Macedonia - Romania - Moldova - Switzerland - Liechtenstein - Austria - Bulgaria - Greece - Serbia - Albania - European Turkey - (Kosovo)" instead of simply "Italy", because people really play Strategic 1v1 to study up on geopraphy and not to have a fun game against an opponent.

Edited 6/20/2014 04:58:08

Found this very amusing as a geography graduate.

I like it how you leave Poland with "it's" borders out of debate ;)

Great and entertaining post. I'm off to a holiday on the Sumajava Clusterfuck Island-Peninsula Identity Crisis!

Don't tell the locals their land has been overrun by Malaysia!

It feels nauseous

Who cares about New Zealand? Victoria was eaten by South Australia!

(and Queensland grabbed Northern Territory)

Edited 6/20/2014 09:15:42

The map is interesting in how it reflects American biases and ignorance about the world.

it's pc gone mad

Rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble!

hahaha this is great!

Fizzer has now officially sanctioned Gui's rants by making this thread notable. Keep up the good work Gui!

You make some good points, but it must have taken a long time to write that rant, in which apparently you did not calm down about at all.

What was fueling your anti-U.S. sentiment that day?

I don't have a problem with picking one country that is within a territory and naming the territory after it (though I agree there almost always are better names available). It has always galled me that Kenya and Botswana aren't even in the territories named after them though.

But I'm disappointed in you, Gui. You missed one. Kyrgyzstan really should be called Eastern Kazakhstan, the actual country is party of the territory called Tajikistan.