[WOLF] The Conservative
* Genghis walks in, looking very old and dying of cancer *
Well, I suppose after years of being cancerous, it caught up to me. Anyway, I’m expected to say some intelligent shit.
God is usually associated with fighting evil and the Devil (if you asked him, he’d tell you it gets boring after 10,000 years, but that’s not the point) and thus, since he is preoccupied with keeping Lucifer from raping Fizzer, he does not have time to trifle with mortal trolls such as Karl Goldberg the 3rd. That is, until Karl finally hacked the poor idiot’s computer system. Then suddenly the tasteless, humorous, authoritarian parasite actually meant something. And all of a sudden, the forums were in danger of censorship! ( Well, I mean, Karl would probably let you post nudes. Fizzer not so much. Wait, would Karl be a better master of WL? Shit what am I saying?! Snap out of it Ghengis! You must hold strong! ) Anyway, a council was brought together, and they chose the mighty Zephyrum, king of Viagratun, to lead a delegation to God’s kingdom ( AKA The Mormon temple in Utah ) to bring order back to the forums!
* Opening scene in the Mormon game room *
God: Shit, Allah, get the heck out of my way!
Allah: Jumping Abraham! Help get Luigi off my back!
God: My child is not to be spoken of in such a manner! And Mario Kart is not being played to satisfy your lust for killing Italians! You did enough with that in the crusades!
Allah: The son of a carpenter will not beat me! I am -
* Allah crashes into Princess Peach *
God: HAHA! Woman can drive see?
Allah: A thousand virgins upon me!
* Snaps fingers *
God * rolls eyes * You enjoy that ability way too much
Allah: What can I say, I like being comforted!
* Someone knocks on door *
God: Gabriel, how many times have I told you, don’t interrupt me when I’m beating this shell of a snackbar in video games!
Gabriel: Umm sir, its urgent, Buda has an important message
God: Damn, did that fool hook up with Tina last night? He’s probably drunk too. Shit, I thought AIDS would’ve stopped this habit!
Allah: * Pauses sexual intercourse * Wait what?
Gabriel: No sir, its actually a much more serious matter. Karl hacked the WL systems last night. Fizzer is being held hostage in some type of time capsule inside AOE.
God: Jesus Christ!
* Jesus pops head in *
Jesus: Sorry dad was makin wine, need me?
God: No no go back to whatever you were doin son. Umm, Gabriel, so what’s the point of all this?
Gabriel: It is unknown sir what it is he plans on doing, however, it seems to have something to do with “ Eliminating cancer “
Allah: YES! Eliminate the goat killer!
God: Not that type of cancer- oh nvm
Gabriel: A delegation has been sent from the forums to bring together a plan to get rid of him! Shall I bring them in?
God: Of course * Looks at Allah * Tomorrow, same time, same place, same bet *
Allah: Those 72 virgins will be mine!
Edited 1/20/2017 01:41:59