[WL] Colonel Harthacanute
Basically, I wish to thank Mr Fizzer for helping me get through life. Before I discovered WarLight back in the late 90s, when I was only a fetus, there was really no meaning to my continued existence.
I mean, since I'd beaten all the millions of others to my mother's ovary, there wasn't really much to do. I stayed in a small apartment inside my mother and I practically never came out. I was fed a couple of times a day at first, then my parents increased my daily meals to about six times a day.
I was raped by my own father once, which was an unpleasant experience, but other than that I was pretty much cooped up in there bored out of my brains. Then, I discovered WarLight.
It was one sunny afternoon and my mother was sleeping as usual. I was dozing in my apartment, nothing much to do as usual, and then all of a sudden there appeared in front of my a screen. It was my first glimpse of a WarLight map. I soon learned how to Deploy, Order and Commit and joined my first Multi-Player game a couple of hours later.
At the beginning, I thought the game was slightly too complicated for me, but soon became adjusted to the experience. It crossed my mind that most people don't have as much time on their hands as myself. I played Team Games mostly, but also took part in many Diplomacies and FFAs.
A couple of months later, one winter day, while I was in the middle of a particularly competitive RoR game, all of a sudden I heard this loud noise. I later learned that this is commonly known as "a scream". The scream rang around the walls of my apartment causing my ears excruciating pain. Then, all of a sudden the walls started moving. I was getting evicted.
Now, the natural thing, I now know, is to come out head-first. I came out feet first. My mother was pushing and heaving trying to evict me, but I had nearly conquered Asia, and the other player was about to commit. I wouldn't budge. This was a stand-off.
A few minutes later, my mother began to tire. Her heart-beat was dangerously high. I was about to kill her over WarLight.
Suddenly, out of the blue, someone's phone rang. Their ringtone was 'Never Gonna Give You Up'. Simultaneously, the other team surrendered. I turned around and my mother suddenly has a burst of energy. I decided to come peacefully.
That is the story of my birth.