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Qaclostani Tale: Cats and peafowls: 11/22/2017 02:08:19

[FEL]Chatul
Level 22
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It is 2065. 40% of all humans are in space. In developed countries the percentage is now 80%. Many young people are in space and only senior folks live in the Earth portion of many nations now, including Qaclostan.

In the suburbs of Gorbehabad there is an old man called Dalir Daghestani. Dalir is from the old imperial city of Shirabad which is now in Azerbaijan and he enjoys telling people old (i.e. 2020s-2040s) Shirabadi tales.

Drinking a cup of doogh he got started with heavy Bakuvian-Shirabadi accent: "Shalim! In my hometown Shirabad which used to be the capital of the Imperial State of Qaclostan there used to be a lot of wild cats and peafowls. Right now there are only cats but peafowls are nowhere to be found. "

Dalir continued, "You may wonder where are the peafowls? Did humans attack them? Nope. Nobody attacked them. Instead they naturally went extinct. On the other hand, cats survived and thrived in both Qaclostan and Azerbaijan."

"Here is why: The cats have been more and more intelligent over time. They have been working hard in capturing prey, They have also been learning from humans. When humans invented doors cats learned how to open and close them. When humans invented toilets cats learned how to use them. Cats have become stronger and stronger. Eventually they began to invent on their own."

"However the same can not be said for the peafowls. There is nothing peafowls like other than seduction and sex. Hence evolution has made peafowls sexy and stupid. Eventually when the wolves of Siberia came to the land the cats managed to survive while the peafowls became food."

His friend Reza asked: "Oh but didn't Azeris try to save the peafowls?"

Old Dalir smiled and said: "Yes, they did. But it didn't help. Sexual degeneration was so serious that peafowls were beyond help. The sexy and dumb ones mated while the smart ones didn't. Hence peafowls evolved to be maximally sexy and maximally idiotic. Azeris spent billions of manats on saving peafowls but they still got killed by wolves.".

Reza said to Dalir: "Oh! The Qaclostani government is trying to save the peafowls too! So do Iranians, Turks and even Israelis!"

Dalir answered: "Yes. And..these are just wasted rials, liras and shekels. Just like cats can never be suppressed, peafowls can never be saved. Not even Israelis can save what is beyond salvation. Please mark my words. Neither Hebrew University of Jerusalem nor Sharif University of Technology (of course they are both mainly in space now) will get anything done. Our own Reza Tehrani University, the pride of Qaclostani scientists, won't succeed either."

Reza agreed and said: "Look at these stupid peafowls on the streets of Gorbehabad! The only thing they know is sex, sex and more sex! No wonder they are going extinct!"

Dalir said to Reza, "Yes. Before either of us pass away we will witness the extinction of peafowls in the entire Middle East. The wolves are coming. They are already common in the northern province of West Khorasan. Within 5 years they will spread to the capital and within 15 years peafowls will be gone from Qaclostan. Peafowls seduce, have sex and breed. However they have forgotten how to properly find food and how to evade predators. Humans feeding them isn't going to help them either. They are numerous due to their breeding but they will be extinct."

Reza agreed and said:"Yes. We humans are like cats. However we must always be constantly aware of the perils of peafowlism. If we become peafowlized we will be destroyed by aliens."

Dalir said: "Exactly. Thankfully most parts of the world no longer follow the evils of peafowlism any more. For example we Qaclostanis are mostly secular but we aren't peafowls."

Reza said: "Yes. Let those who can be saved be saved. Those who reject the way of the peafowl and embrace the way of the cat will be counted. On the other hand the unrepentant peafowls will be destroyed by nature. I will visit the main Qaclostani settlement on Mars, New Gorbehabad next month. It's peafowl-free."

Dalir laughed and said: "I'm sure you will return in peace. I will emigrate to either New Gorbehabad or New Tehran next year. Let the earth be filled with corruption and let the wise, rational and upright leave for other planets. We should be like Israelis. 90% of Israelis are in space now while only 10% are still on this planet. It's good that our capital is finally going to be moved to New Gorbehabad since 60% of Qaclostanis aren't on this planet any more."

Finishing his cup of doogh Reza said good bye to Dalir. A pair of starving peafowls are having sex in front of Dalir's nice Iranian house while a well-fed Persian cat is watching in disbelief.

Yasmin Kordestani, Dalir's neighbor gave the peafowls some food. Dalir said: "Ms. Kordestani, I know that you are kind but your kindness isn't going to work. The more you feed them the less capable they will be. These birds are doomed. The wolves will come from West Khorasan and the peafowls will be extinct just like what happened to the peafowls of the Caucasus and West Khorasan. You can't save what is beyond help."

Yasmin agreed and left, leaving the peafowls in ignorant bliss.

*20 years later*

Dalir, Reza and Yasmin now all live in space. The population of the earth is now about 2.5 billion while the population of humans outside this planet is about 6.5 billion. Peafowls indeed went extinct in the Middle East. Most parts of the earth are so depopulated that they have more robots and cats than people. The spirit of peafowlism is absent in space but it is abundant on the planet Earth, the craddle of humanity which is also known as the Planet of Tears now.

Edited 11/22/2017 04:36:24
Qaclostani Tale: Cats and peafowls: 11/22/2017 02:39:07


knyte 
Level 58
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Yay! Good to see you're still working on the manifesto.
Qaclostani Tale: Cats and peafowls: 11/22/2017 02:41:01


Kamfd
Level 20
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really nurtures my noodle
Qaclostani Tale: Cats and peafowls: 11/22/2017 04:33:19

[FEL]Chatul
Level 22
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The version above is the final version.

Edited 11/22/2017 04:33:32
Qaclostani Tale: Cats and peafowls: 11/22/2017 05:42:33


Bane 
Level 60
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Tldr: Still lonely
Qaclostani Tale: Cats and peafowls: 11/22/2017 09:29:18


Leibstandarte (Vengeance)
Level 45
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Not a bad read, but some people may have difficulties understanding it since "peafowlism" in Tabby's manifesto is not known well amongst average non-warlighter.
Qaclostani Tale: Cats and peafowls: 11/22/2017 17:19:29

[FEL]Chatul
Level 22
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^Thanks! I think I need to explain what peafowlism is.

By the way I truly believe that Iran will be a modern, secular and developed society soon. Good luck, the land of Persian cats!

I will write another story soon, this time on lions, tigers and breeding hyenas in a future, secularized Iraq. It will be about an old Qaclostani who is about to emigrate to Mars visiting a modern Iraq that is almost entirely depopulated because most Iraqis have left for other planets. Of course human peafowlism will also be discussed as usual, so will the New Great Wall in the Saharan desert manned by robots controlled by the UN and Maghrebi governments.

Edited 11/22/2017 17:38:10
Qaclostani Tale: Cats and peafowls: 11/22/2017 17:35:39


Cata Cauda
Level 58
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I see the message behind it, but besides that the novel is poorly written in my opinion (no rhetorical elements whatsover), its not always true. Aiming for nothing but sex doesnt always result in extinction. Just look at bees or ants. They are just fine with that concept.
Qaclostani Tale: Cats and peafowls: 11/22/2017 19:14:16


knyte 
Level 58
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Tabby, you've successfully convinced me that the anti-vaxxers are right.

No way this level of sheer autism could arise naturally.

Edited 11/22/2017 19:14:52
Qaclostani Tale: Cats and peafowls: 11/22/2017 20:34:41

[FEL]Chatul
Level 22
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^Please be rational. You know that your IQ is likely 120-150 and that you can do much better than that, knyte. Please try again.
Qaclostani Tale: Cats and peafowls: 11/23/2017 06:33:05


Japanball
Level 56
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You know that your IQ is likely 120-150

Dude, there's no need to insult him
Qaclostani Tale: Cats and peafowls: 11/23/2017 16:41:03


OxTheAutist 
Level 58
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got surprised at that comment for a second but then I remembered Japan claims to have an IQ of about 160
Qaclostani Tale: Cats and peafowls: 11/23/2017 18:32:25


Japanball
Level 56
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^Sarcasm
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